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Here is a rough guide to "Cocknee Laaandaan"

English Cockney   English Cockney
Alone Todd Sloane   Nightmare Lionel Blair
Bed Uncle Ted   Obscene James Dean
Car Jam Jar   Phone Dog and Bone
Curry Bill Murray   Piles Nobby Styles
Deal Ian Beale   Shower David Gower
Dope Bob Hope   Skint Bernie Flint
Fifty Nifty   Tan Peter Pan
Fiver Lady Godiver   Throat Nanny Goat
Geezer Bacardi   Tools Judge Jules
Gin Vera Lynn   Train John Wayne
Hair Barnet   Trunks Chipmunks
Ham Uncle Sam   The Tube OXO Cube
Head Loaf   Umbrella Auntie Ella
Ice Anneka Rice   Vague William Hague
Jeans Milton Keynes   Vegan Kevin Keegan
Kidney Sydney   Whore Roger Moore
Leg Mystic Meg   Wife Bread knife
Lights Ian Wrights   Work Kathy Burke
Marker Ronnie Barker   Wrong Pete Tong


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